You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
