proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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