why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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