Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
