The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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