my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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