Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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