Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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