I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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