At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
