I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
