he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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