I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My dick has a subreddit
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
