Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
