What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
