he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you traded sex for a burrito?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
