home. puking in laundry basket.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
