yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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