you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
