For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
