Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize