Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
