Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
