she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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