Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
