Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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