i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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