omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
