Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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