he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
