I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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