his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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