Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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