i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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