So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
