Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I woke up under a house in Key West
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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