tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Enjoy the penises
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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