rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just google imaged poop.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
