fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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