How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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