she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
