i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We're too hungover to prance.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
