my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
