dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
