you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
