I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
