After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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