Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
