DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
