Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
