I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
