Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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