I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
