I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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