I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
