Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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