I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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