Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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