She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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