I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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