god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
