My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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