im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
