2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
