i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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