With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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