garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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