i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
They are going to name an STD after you.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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