I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize