the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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