I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
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