I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
