rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
