I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
